Star Trek: The Lost Episode
by Cosmo Toledo
Summary: A screwed up Star Trek parody- but funny! The Lost Episode from the original series. That's all I can really say... Please R&R- it'd be highly appreciated.


STAR TREK  
  
THE  
"LOST EPISODE"  
  
OCKING SPOCK  
  
Oh ho! What have we hear? The storyline to the lost episode of Star Trek called "Ocking Spock"?!  
  
OH GOODY!  
  
C'mon, all you Trekkies! Clean up your underwear since I know what you did in them when I said the words "lost episode of Star Trek" and gather 'round Uncle Seth as he tells the tale of this lost episode. Billy, ask grandma to borrow one of her clean pairs. no, don't steal your sisters! Billy, stop your hurting her. c'mon, Billy, stop, c'mon buddy, don't do this to Daddy, c'mon. YOU IDIOT! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO YOUR SISTER! NOW I KNOW WHY YOUR MOTHER ALWAYS CALLED YOU "THE NEXT TED BUNDY"! NOW CLEAN UP THAT MESS YOU MADE OF YOUR SISTER! GEEZ. Anyway, sorry about that. Alright, Uncle Seth, you got the storyline in hand? Okay, good! Now read away!  
  
Doctor's log, star date supplemental. The Enterprise has somehow. contracted a disease that causes a person to act strange and bizarre, unlike their true selves, and shout out random insults and sayings. Now, time for the good news and the bad news. The good news is that no one on board has contracted this disease. except for one person. And now, for the bad news. Captain Kirk has been woefully diagnosed to this disease. (Sigh) I can only imagine what he'll do, being infected by it.  
  
The bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise had not been doing what it was supposed to be doing for the past two hours. During that time, they had been held up and put to a halt of all their duties, courtesy of the deranged-infected Captain Kirk. He was running around, acting and talking like a mad man.  
"Captain, your actions uptake the most illogical procedures that I have ever seen before in my life.!" said Mr. Articulation himself, Spock.  
Kirk threw him the look of a mad man.  
"What did you say?" he said in a hissing tone. "What did you say to me, DEVIL?"  
"Captain, it is me, Spock, your friend. your true friend. Your only friend in that matter."  
"Ah. yes. Mr... Spock. how.nice.of you.to join us. in this. delicious. feast, I must say."  
Spock tilted his head fifteen degrees to the left. "Fascinating," he said. "You seem to be talking in your usual tone of voice, Jim."  
The Captain shot him another glance. "Jim?" he said. "Who's Jim?"  
"You are, Jim."  
"I'm not Jim," said Jim.  
"Then who, might I ask, are you?" inquired Spock.  
"I am." the Captain then rose one foot up to his knee like a ballet dancer, stuck his arms out, looked up to the ceiling, and shouted out loud "RIPUNZEL!" He began to dance about the bridge. "Strength through discipline! Strength through force! Look at me! I've got big fat butt warts!" is all he sang.  
"Fascinating," said Mr. Loads-of-fun.  
Kirk then stopped at Oohoora (Hey, this is a spoof. it doesn't matter how it's spelled, as long as it's funny!) and looked at her and said "To think I kissed you on national TV, what was I thinking?"  
  
QUICK PAUSE!  
  
Remember the episode, "Plato's Step Children", when Kirk and Oohoora, one being white and the other black, kissed, making it the first "inter-racial" kiss! At least, I think that's what they called it. anywho, that's what Kirk's talkin' about! But I'll shut up now. c'mon, Uncle Seth, read or else the Trekkies will set their phasers on "kill"!  
  
Oohoora, being African-American, did not take kindly to that remark, and kicked ol' Kirky boy in the "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH YEAH!"  
"And to think I actually enjoyed you kissing me." was all she said.  
Kirk quickly sprinted back up onto his feet.  
"HA!" was all he said.  
Spock this time now turned his head twenty degrees to the right. "Fascinating."  
Kirk had that weird look in his eye again.  
"Spock."  
"Yes, Captain?"  
"Allow me to. ock you."  
"I beg your pardon?"  
"Let me put it like this. I want.to. ock. Spock."  
"Interesting. how does one "ock"?  
"Simple, you just [CONTENT BEING WRITTEN OVER DUE TO THE FACT THAT IT'S WAY TOO ADULT FOR YOU TO READ- NOT REALLY] and that's all there is to it!"  
"Fascinating. Shall we try it, Captain?"  
Jim clapped his hands together and rubbed them like he was making fire.  
"Sure, why not. you go first."  
"As you wish, Captain."  
Spock approached Kirk and before he could do anything, Mr. Sulu broke up the entire ocking process.  
"Captain Kirk!"  
"Yes, Wang?" Jim said very quickly.  
Sulu rolled his eyes. "Klingon vessels are approaching full speed sir. Shall I ready the photon torpedoes?"  
Kirk's face turned blood red of anger. Sulu looked confused.  
"Um, sir?"  
"KAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"  
"Sir, that isn't Kahn. you got rid of him, remember?"  
Apparently, Kirk wasn't listening as Sulu told him the truth because just then Kirk pushed one of the buttons on his control panel of his seat.  
"Kahn, you bloodsucker!" he said in a hissing, whispering tone of voice.  
Just then an image of the Klingon Ambassador appeared on the view screen.  
"I am Katos, Ambassador of the Klingon's, and we wish to talk peace."  
Jim stood back up.  
"You've taken our food. stolen my people. and you've robbed me of my pants. please, I beg for your mercy."  
The Klingon Ambassador didn't look happy anymore.  
"What?"  
"If worse comes to worse. please. just please. give me back my pants. Nana made them for me."  
Now would be a good time to mention this: other than Dr. McCoy, no one on the Enterprise knows of Kirk's little "disease". His actions to them are simply strange, new, and severely insulting. Except for the ocking, Spock seemed to have liked that.  
"Who's Nana? I wish not of the nonsense! Ready our phasers!"  
"Captain!"  
"Captain, what do we do?"  
"Jim," Spock said, "Your orders."  
By now an alarm was going off throughout the bridge. They were on red alert.  
"Mr. Checkov, go to normal view, please."  
"Yes sir, Mr. Spock," said the Russian Checkov. At least I think he's Russian.  
There. On the view screen, the Klingons had readied up their weapons, and were about to open fire on the Enterprise. No orders of retaliation had been given. Everyone was panicking. Sulu was trying his best to man the controls, Oohoora was trying to make some form of contact with the Star Fleet, and Mr. Spock had pooped his pants. The situation looked rough.  
Just then, a call from engineering. Mr. Scott wanted to talk to someone.  
"WE'RE BURNING UP, DOWN HERE!" he said in his Scottish accent. "I DON'T THINK I CAN HOLD IT TOGETHER MUCH LONGER! AND ALL OF THE SECURITY OFFICERS WHO WERE WEARING RED SHIRTS HAVE SUDDENLY DIED!"  
"Captain Kirk, sir, we need your orders," calmly Spock said.  
Total silence throughout the bridge, other than the sounds of the siren going off and Mr. Scott having nervous breakdown which could be heard throughout the intercom system.  
"Captain," Spock said. "Jim."  
The Captain stood staring at the view screen, for about a minute or two. Then, he took a big gasp of breath. Here came the orders. Everyone felt so relieved.  
"Your orders, Captain?" asked Sulu.  
Kirk opened his mouth to talk, and the moment the entire crew had been waiting for was about to come. Kirk's orders. His eyes were glamorously big- he had thought of the most genius orders yet.  
"Jim?" asked Spock.  
Kirk looked at Spock and said:  
"There's. something on the wing! Some. thing.!"  
BOOM!  
A phaser had hit the Enterprise. What could they say? What could they do?  
Just then, the answer for all their problems came exiting out of the doors that lead to the bridge. It was McCoy himself, and carrying with him, his medicine to cure Kirk of his strange disorder. And what a disorder it was, I tell ya what, Dale!  
"Jim, hold still." the Doctor grabbed Jim's left arm.  
"Jim? Yes, that's what I used to be called. but now, my friends call me Stiffy."  
"Well, hold still Stiffy until I can put this inside of you."  
To make a long story short, McCoy put the medicine inside of Kirk. Kirk turns normal. Makes peace with the Klingons. All goes well. Then Spock gets the disease. All hell breaks lose and the Enterprise time travels to a galaxy, far far away. in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home! Woo-hoo!  
  
Well, my fellow Trekkie children, how'd you like the "lost episode of Star Trek"? I sure know I liked it! Did you like it, Uncle Seth? Sure you did! Well, that's it for now. see you guys later, bye! .  
  
Billy. Billy. BILLY! PUT YOUR SISTER'S HEAD DOWN, YOUNG MAN OR ELSE YOUR GROUNDED, AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME, MISTER! 


End file.
